Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
