i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
