I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
