Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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