were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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