I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
