you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
