You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
