and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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