I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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