i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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