Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
