You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
