Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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