maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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