he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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