Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
