we're blogging at a bar
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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