THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
