everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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