I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
