He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't turn off my feet"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
