The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's always time for handjobs
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
