Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
