some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
