if you like me you must not know who I am
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
