the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i love accidental penises.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wear drunk well.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
