I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
