I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
