: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
