I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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