So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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