Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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