Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
