so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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