my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
