i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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