Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
