Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
