Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
