Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
COCAINE IS GR8
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
