so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
