so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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