i will never coherently bang her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
