How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
