So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
