i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
