Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
