On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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