I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
