it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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