And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
