I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
