i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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