there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
