How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
